Time machine

I want to go back in time and visit my ten year old self.

10 year old me: wow your me from the future
20year old me: wow this is awesome
10: so what are you up to?
20: Im going to art school
10: what are you shitting me, what happened to our plan to become a doctor and cure cancer.
20: I got bored with that idea.
10: youve doomed us all.

Then 40 year old me appears in another time machine

40: Greeting I have good news you have actually manged to cure cancer with your art!
20:HA!

Then 80 year old me appears in another time machine

80: Dear god I had it all wrong your art has created super cancer

End

My roomate and other things

Nobody wants to hear you complain even when its super important. My roommate snoars so bad I'm starting to think that he is doing it on purpose, (SURPRISE I Tricked You) Sometimes I wish I could customize my snoring into horrible war music that would be awesome. If you could go back in time to meet the younger version of yourself would you do it? Im not talking about your five year old self. Im talking more like your middle school or "junior high" (for you french people) younger selves. It would be awesome my 13 year old self would be coming out of another crappy gym class when blam TIME MACHINE. He would be like you actually lose your virginity before your 20 wow that is awesome. You have a drivers liscense and you can play the guitar awesome. Wait your telling me you decided to become an animation major in college instead of becoming a doctor what is wrong with you. At this point I would stick my younger self in a trash can and pick up a case of crystal pepsi because I am awesome.

Things not to say on the first date and other thingys about love

1. Oh! Is that what your wearing
   
2. You smell like my Mom
3. Do you like basements and custom vans?
4. I booked us a sweet table at chuck e cheese
   
5. Lets make a baby, we shall name him Garth Brooks!
   

Most holidays have their opposite holiday. For example Christmas has Hanuka and Halloween has Arbor day. My question is what is the opposite of Valentines day. It would have to be a holiday based on hate and vegetables. You know that in elementary schools kids have to give everybody a valentines card. When did this happen, what is this communist Russia. When I was a kid I probably got two cards and one was from my mom. But keep in mind that my valentines card box was my Halloween pumpkin. Every class party I would just decide to celebrate like it was Halloween. My classmates would be like whys Grant dressed like a Vampire demanding candy and the teacher would be like oh is it arbor day today.